Kim the Chicken

As many of you know, I am lucky enough to not have to work. I am blessed to be a full-time housewife. That being said, I spend a lot of my time at home. Today is one of those days. I've spent my day working on a guest book for an upcoming cousin's wedding, then I dusted and vacuumed, continued a bit of spring cleaning, and working my way through the laundry. Anyway, I just showered. So while I'm in the shower I hear this tapping every so often. It seriously sounds like someone is standing on the other side of the curtain tapping their foot waiting for me. So freaky! I start looking around for some sort of weapon so I can defend myself against this attacker who I am sure is lurking in my bathroom. My options are crappy, loofah, shampoo, face wash, definitely not lethal. Lame. Even my razor won't work. It is one of those intuition razors that are surrounded by that soap stuff. I decide my only option is to take the metal shower caddy and hope that I can swing it hard enough to knock this guy out. Then I start having one of my heart episodes and I start to feel tired and weak. Great, now I totally don't stand a chance. I am about to get murdered and this guy is going to wrap my body in the shower curtain liner and leave no forensic evidence. Finally I don't feel like I can stand up much longer so I rip back the shower curtain and.............no one is there. All that freaking out for nothing. All that standing around looking for weapons and wasting hot water for nothing. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I wasn't murdered, but I totally feel like I wasted like 10 good minutes of worrying. After I got dressed and ready I went out to the living room and noticed that the front door is unlocked! I never, ever leave the door unlocked. Now I think there really might have been a murderer in my bathroom!

Anyway, that's the story of how I ended up taking a ridiculously long shower today. I am open to a self-defense class if anyone wants to come with me!